We Can ALL Make a Difference!

9/07/2008 05:37:00 PM / Posted by Heidi Bound /

I often stop and reflect about my life and ponder why I do the things that I am doing. I wonder about the paths that I have taken and the commitments that I make. For some reason, I woke up today and it was one of those days of reflection for me. I immediately thought of a poem that is true to my heart. I also remembered a story that my mom gave to me when I started student teaching about 13 years ago back in PA. I would like to believe that I have that actual paper that my mom gave to me, but honestly I don't know if I do. The more important part is that story lives inside of me. On those days when teaching seems tough or the people in my life seem challenging, both of these "works of art" are an inspiration to me. Thank you Mom for always living in my heart and touching me even when you are miles away. I love you.

Click this link to see a movie form of the story that my mom shared with me. (Grab a tissue or two.) http://www.makeadifferencemovie.com/


The actual story has more details than that sweet little movie. Here it is:

Elizabeth Silance BallardTeddy's letter came today, and now that I've read it, I will place it in my cedar chest with the other things that are important in my life. "I wanted you to be the first to know." I smiled as I read the words he had written and my heart swelled with a pride that I had no right to feel. I have not seen Teddy Stallard since he was a student in my 5th grade class, 15 years ago. It was early in my career, and I had only been teaching two years. From the first day he stepped into my classroom, I disliked Teddy. Teachers (although everyone knows differently) are not supposed to have favorites in a class, but most especially are not supposed to show dislike for a child, any child. Nevertheless, every year there are one or two children that one cannot help but be attached to, for teachers are human, and it is human nature to like bright, pretty, intelligent people, whether they are 10 years old or 25. And sometimes, not too often, fortunately, there will be one or two students to whom the teacher just can't seem to relate. I had thought myself quite capable of handling my personal feelings along that line until Teddy walked into my life. There wasn't a child I particularly liked that year, but Teddy was most assuredly one I disliked. He was dirty. Not just occasionally, but all the time. His hair hung low over his ears, and he actually had to hold it out of his eyes as he wrote his papers in class. (And this was before it was fashionable to do so!) Too, he had a peculiar odor about him which I could never identify. His physical faults were many, and his intellect left a lot to be desired, also. By the end of the first week I knew he was hopelessly behind the others. Not only was he behind; he was just plain slow! I began to withdraw from him immediately. Any teacher will tell you that it's more of a pleasure to teach a bright child. It is definitely more rewarding for one's ego. But any teacher worth her credentials can channel work to the bright child, keeping him challenged and learning, while she puts her major effort on the slower ones. Any teacher can do this. Most teachers do it, but I didn't, not that year. In fact, I concentrated on my best students and let the others follow along as best they could. Ashamed as I am to admit it, I took perverse pleasure in using my red pen; and each time I came to Teddy's papers, the cross marks (and they were many) were always a little larger and a little redder than necessary. "Poor work!" I would write with a flourish. While I did not actually ridicule the boy, my attitude was obviously quite apparent to the class, for he quickly became the class "goat", the outcast -- the unlovable and the unloved. He knew I didn't like him, but he didn't know why. Nor did I know -- then or now -- why I felt such an intense dislike for him. All I know is that he was a little boy no one cared about, and I made no effort in his behalf. The days rolled by. We made it through the Fall Festival and the Thanksgiving holidays, and I continued marking happily with my red pen. As the Christmas holidays approached, I knew that Teddy would never catch up in time to be promoted to the sixth grade level. He would be a repeater. To justify myself, I went to his cumulative folder from time to time. He had very low grades for the first four years, but not grade failure. How he had made it, I didn't know. I closed my mind to personal remarks.
First grade: Teddy shows promise by work and attitude, but has poor home situation.
Second grade: Teddy could do better. Mother terminally ill. He receives little help at home.
Third grade: Teddy is a pleasant boy. Helpful, but too serious. Slow learner. Mother passed away at end of year.
Fourth grade: Very slow, but well-behaved. Father shows no interest.Well, they passed him four times, but he will certainly repeat fifth grade! "Do him good!" I said to myself. And then the last day before the holiday arrived. Our little tree on the reading table sported paper and popcorn chains. Many gifts were heaped underneath, waiting for the big moment. Teachers always get several gifts at Christmas, but mine that year seemed bigger and more elaborate than ever. There was not a student who had not brought me one. Each unwrapping brought squeals of delight, and the proud giver would receive effusive thank-you's. His gift wasn't the last one I picked up; in fact it was in the middle of the pile. Its wrapping was a brown paper bag, and he had colored Christmas trees and red bells all over it. It was stuck together with masking tape. "For Miss Thompson -- From Teddy" it read. The group was completely silent, and for the first time, I felt conspicuous, embarrassed because they all stood watching me unwrap that gift. As I removed the last bit of masking tape, two items fell to my desk; a gaudy rhinestone bracelet with several stones missing and a small bottle of dimestore cologne -- half empty. I could hear the snickers and whispers, and I wasn't sure I could look at Teddy. "Isn't this lovely?" I asked, placing the bracelet on my wrist. "Teddy, would you help me fasten it?" He smiled shyly as he fixed the clasp, and I held up my wrist for all of them to admire. There were a few hesitant oohs and aahs, but as I dabbed the cologne behind my ears, all the little girls lined up for a dab behind their ears. I continued to open the gifts until I reached the bottom of the pile. We ate our refreshments and the bell rang. The children filed out with shouts of "See you next year!" and "Merry Christmas!" but Teddy waited at his desk. When they had all left, he walked toward me, clutching his gift and books to his chest. "You smell just like Mom," he said softly. "Her bracelet looks real pretty on you, too. I'm glad you liked it." He left quickly. I locked the door, sat down at my desk, and wept, resolving to make up to Teddy what I had deliberately deprived him of -- a teacher who cared. I stayed every afternoon with Teddy from the end of the Christmas holidays until the last day of school. Sometimes we worked together. Sometimes he worked alone while I drew up lesson plans or graded papers. Slowly but surely he caught up with the rest of the class. Gradually, there was a definite upward curve in his grades. He did not have to repeat the fifth grade. In fact, his final averages were among the highest in the class, and although I knew he would be moving out of the state when school was out, I was not worried for him. Teddy had reached a level that would stand him in good stead the following year, no matter where he went. He enjoyed a measure of success, and as we were taught in our teacher training courses, "Success builds success." I did not hear from Teddy until seven years later, when his first letter appeared in my mailbox:
Dear Miss Thompson,
I just wanted you to be the first to know. I will be graduating second in my class next month. Very truly yours, Teddy Stallard I sent him a card of congratulations and a small package, a pen and pencil gift set. I wondered what he would do after graduation. Four years later, Teddy's second letter came:
Dear Miss Thompson,
I wanted you to be the first to know. I was just informed that I'll be graduating first in my class. The university has not been easy, but I liked it. Very truly yours, Teddy Stallard I send him a good pair of sterling silver monogrammed cuff links and a card, so proud of him I could burst! And now today -- Teddy's third letter:
Dear Miss Thompson,
I wanted you to be the first to know. As of today, I am Theodore J. Stallard, M.D. How about that? I'm going to be married in July, the 27th, to be exact. I wanted to ask if you could come and sit where Mom would sit if she were here. I'll have no family there as Dad died last year. Very truly yours, Teddy Stallard I'm not sure what kind of gift one sends to a doctor on completion of medical school and state boards. Maybe I'll just wait and take a wedding gift, but my note can't wait:
Dear Ted,
Congratulations! You made it, and you did it yourself! In spite of those like me and not because of us, this day has come to you. God bless you. I'll be at that wedding with bells on! Elizabeth Silance Ballard


I am not sure where and when I first came across this poem. I have seen it changed in several ways but the spirit of the poem always remains the same. This poem relates not just to teaching for me but to life. I can make a difference to each person who I meet. So can you. My friend Eileen told me I can't change people's actions but I can change my reaction to them. It's true. Her words were so powerful and will live with me always.


THE STARFISH POEM
Once upon a time there was a wise man who used
to go to the ocean to do his writing.
He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.
One day he was walking along the shore.
As he looked down the beach, he saw a human figure moving like a dancer.
He smiled to himself to think of someone who would dance to the day.
So he began to walk faster to catch up.
As he got closer, he saw that it was a young man and the young man wasn't dancing,
but instead he was reaching down to the shore, picking up something
and very gently throwing it into the ocean.
As he got closer he called out, "Good morning! What are you doing?"
The young man paused, looked up and replied,
"Throwing starfish in the ocean."
"I guess I should have asked, why are you throwing starfish in the ocean?"
"The sun is up and the tide is going out. And if I don't throw them in they'll die."
"But, young man, don't you realize that there are miles and miles of beach
and starfish all along it. You can't possibly make a difference!"
The young man listened politely.
Then bent down, picked up another starfish and threw it into the sea,
past the breaking waves and said-
"It made a difference for that one."

2 comments:

Comment by paperqueen on September 8, 2008 at 10:15 AM

Sigh...no matter how many times I read that (and I've received it countless times throughout my career), it gets to me. Since you think I'm so wise (hah!) let me impart another little nugget learned from experience: we don't teach reading or math or science. We teach CHILDREN, and each is different and needs us differently. The day I realized that is the day I actually started to teach! Obviously you are there, and as I've said before, your kids are lucky to have you in their corner.
Hugs and smiles,
Eileen

Comment by Holly on October 5, 2008 at 10:21 PM

Hi Heidi! I saw the invitation on Facebook to check out your blog--so, here I am :-)

The story about Teddy totally struck a chord with me. It's so true, how easy it is to write off certain people. We all can use little remiders like this, not to judge until you know the entire story.

Cheers!
Holly from SU '96

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